we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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