I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think your dad took our porno
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
