Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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