if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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