can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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