drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
