I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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