I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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