If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
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Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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