shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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