Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
