3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
