I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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