if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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