Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
