Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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