My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
