Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
