whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
