a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
