now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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