He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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