I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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