I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
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we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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