You're so nebulous sometimes
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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