I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
