party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
