my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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