I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
