My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
