i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
