Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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