Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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