im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't deserve a penis
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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