Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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