If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I want her autograph on my taint
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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