Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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