so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
