Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
