So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your penis caused this!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
