I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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