Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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