we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
