I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
