I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.