I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week