I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.