My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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