Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
