I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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