like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
