I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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