Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
