the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
