You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
