she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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