I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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