I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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