he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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