Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
