Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
