...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
