I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Can Purell be used as lube?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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