my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize