Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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